26 Years Later: An Honest Conversation About Suicide & Mental Health

Today marks 26 years since my dad died by suicide.

I was 8-years-old at the time. My brother was only 6. I remember when my mom told us the news. I remember the funeral. I remember listening to my mom furiously speak at an AA meeting that my dad used to attend while my brother and I sat quietly in the corner. Other than that, my memories of my father are few.

My father was an alcoholic that struggled with depression. And my brother followed in his footsteps, suddenly dying from complications due to alcoholism at the age of 30 in 2023. That marks two people that my mom and I have lost because of addiction and mental illness, and that's two too many.

When I was younger, I was angry at my dad. I thought what he had done was selfish. That he had loved alcohol more than he loved his kids. 26 years later, my views have shifted. As someone who is also currently dealing with trauma and its impact on my own mental health, I have a much greater understanding of the place he was in. And my brother, as well. It's an unfortunate understanding, but I do feel it offers me a unique perspective.

To Anyone Struggling:

The world is not better off without you, despite what that nagging voice in your head says. You have no idea the hole that your absence will leave in the people who knew you. Who loved you. Your impact is much greater than you know.

The pain of existence ebbs and flows. The lows can be so low, but the highs can be so high. It's all survivable. Just look at how much you've survived already. It's the good AND the bad that shapes us. That makes us who we are. And talking about the things you've survived can serve as an inspiration to others who are feeling the same pain. We all have the ability to use our own suffering to help others, and, in turn, that can help ease the suffering inside of ourselves.

That's why I'm writing this. To let you know that you're not alone. That you are not weak. To let you know that there are people out there who are better for knowing you and want to see you succeed. That there are so many people who haven't had the opportunity to know you yet, and so many wonderful little things that you haven't had the chance to experience. Don't rob yourself or others of those experiences.

Anxiety. Depression. Addiction. Mental illness not a shameful secret that we need to speak about in whispers. When we talk about it openly, it loses some of its power. There is strength in numbers, and asking for help is brave. You deserve to live. Not just exist. Not just survive. LIVE.

I'll leave you with a letter that my mom wrote a few weeks after my dad's death:

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988